KillerVibe Oneshots
by NeverlandHeart
Summary: Just as the title suggests, this will be a series of oneshots revolving around the relationship of Caitlin and Cisco, however, other characters will be involved. All of the stories are connected but each can be read on its own.
1. It doesn't mean anything

**A/N: Alright, so, these one shots are probably going to seem very familiar. That's because I've decided to delete the other one shots and combine them into one whole story, so, basically, this story is going to be a series of one shots. All of them are connected, and, hopefully, in order. I will be updating this new series regularly and I hope anyone who reads this enjoys them.**

 **Summary:** **Those four words had become her mantra. And she absolutely refused to let herself hope that maybe, maybe she was wrong. No matter how difficult his lingering touches made that.**

* * *

She tries to ignore the headache that's brewing in her head from staring at her laptop for so long. She had been in the lab since early this morning. While she didn't bother checking the time, the sun still hadn't risen and she knew it was to early, but she had to do this, had to be there. She had gone through probably a million options by now, and while the necklace was working for now, she knew it wasn't a permanent fix. She always double checked that it was fastened tightly and wasn't going anywhere. She was terrified of losing it. Of losing herself. It's times like this, times where she knew she was caving inside herself, that she missed Ronnie more than anything. Shaking those thought from her head, she sighed softly, moving away from the laptop and rubbing her temples. She heard the sound of footsteps and she didn't even need to look to see who it was. There would only be one other person coming in this early. She felt him before she saw him, his warmth was always so obvious to her. "Hey." She lifted her head, and seeing his grin, her headache might as well have disappeared.

"Got you your favorite." It took her a moment to see the styrofoam cup he was holding out to her.

Smiling her thanks, she took it from him, their fingers brushing, and she tried to ignore the shiver it gave her. Lifting the cup to her lips, she sighed around it, as if it was the best thing she'd ever taste. "You're amazing."

His grin grew and he ran a hand through his hair. "Yea, so I've been told. Need me to help with anything?" He asked, his chin jutting out towards her laptop.

For some reason, her hand flew to the necklace around her neck. "No, I think I've got it." She pretended not to see his frown when he saw her toying with the necklace.

His shifted his weight, as if nervous. "Okay well, you know where I am if you change your mind." He turned his back towards her, walking away.

"Cisco?" Hearing her say his name, he turned back towards her, waiting for her say what she wanted to say.

She hesitated only a moment. "Thanks." She hoped he knew she wasn't just thanking him for the coffee. And judging by the small smile he gave her, she knew he did. She ignored the fact that she squeezed the cup just a little tighter as he walked away.

* * *

Sunday's were hard, she knew. His family was extremely religious, and while he had stepped back a bit from it, he still went to church with his family one Sunday a month. And while he hadn't said anything to any of them, Caitlin knew he hadn't gone since Dante died. So when he came in later than usual and didn't talk to anyone, she knew to give him his space. After his brother had died, and she slept on his couch for two months, she noticed he had an obsession, which was putting it lightly, with Harry Potter. When she had asked what had gotten him into it, he had gone silent and still, and it took him almost three days to give her an answer. Dante, he had said, had gotten into it first, and she had been slightly shocked, because he had never seemed like the type of person who would be interested in fantasy, she never said so of course. He revealed to her it was one of only things they always agreed on, and when his voice cracked, her heart broke a little more for him.

He had let it slip that Dante had absolutely adored Sirius Black. She had no idea who that was, but that Saturday, she had gone out and bought a bobble head figurine, and for some reason, it took her months to give it to him. But that morning, before he came in, she had placed it on his desk.

At the end of the day, he walked over to her, and before she could react, he had pulled her into a hug. She pretended not to notice the tears in his eyes, or the fact that it seemed, while he was hugging her, that he was breathing her in. She forced herself to push the butterflies away, because this was Cisco, her best friend, and he was tearing up and this was not the time to be getting butterflies over the fact that his hands fit perfectly on the small of her back.

* * *

Sometimes, she had days where she hated the world. They were rare, extremely rare, but they happened. And when they did, all she wanted was to stay at home and cry, but she didn't. She couldn't. She had her friends, her _family_ , that needed her help. So she showered, got dressed, and pushed the aching feeling away from her. That afternoon, she and Barry had a conversation about the future, and how it was changing, but he told her the Killer Frost headline was still the same, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. She told him she needed a minute, and practically ran out of the lab, towards the training room. Wally was home sick, and she knew Jesse would be taking care of him, so she didn't worry about seeing either of them there. When she was certain she was alone, she sat down with her head in her knees, and cried. She didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually she stopped crying, and now she sat with her head against the wall, her knees still against her chest.

Again, she felt him before she saw him. He slid down the wall next to her, his legs out in front of him. He didn't say anything, he didn't have too. He just took her hand in his and squeezed, and she squeezed his back. When they both stood up minutes later, he let go of her hand and gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and instead of pulling away, he rubbed his thumb on the apple of her cheek. "You're a lot stronger than you think, Cait." It was a whisper, and then he slowly moved his hand away, as if reluctant to do so. He stared at her for a few seconds before walking away. When he was out of view, she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and tried her best to ignore the way her face was still burning from where he touched her.

* * *

They were celebrating a victory at a bar she didn't know the name of. She allowed herself a small smile as she watched Barry and Iris flirting and stealing kisses in the corner of the room, but quickly looked away, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment. Cisco slid into the seat next to her, looking at Wally and Jesse. "You'd think he'd be used to having a girlfriend by now."

She giggled slightly, seeing the shy way Wally was looking at Jesse. "It's cute."

Cisco scoffed into his drink. "It's pathetic." She knew he was kidding but she kicked his shin anyway and he smirked at her. "Have you seen HR?"

She nodded and tilted her head. He was sitting in a booth next to a girl who looked less than pleased and she could feel the amusement rolling off of Cisco. "Okay, I take it back, he's way more pathetic then Wally."

She had to purse her lips to keep from laughing but he could tell, and his smirk turned into a grin. The two of them fell into a comfortable silence until Cisco leaned back against the bar and stared at her. "Where's Julian?"

She looked down at her drink and shrugged. "I don't know." She looked up at him, and for a second she could've sworn his lips tugged at her statement and his eyes lit up slightly, but then it was gone. He cleared his throat and swallowed the last of his drink, placing the now empty drink on the bar. He jumped off the stool and held his hand out to her. When she gave him a questioning look, he just rolled his eyes playfully.

"C'mon, you know you want to dance with this." His eyes were gleaming playfully, and she allowed herself to laugh. She placed her drink on the bar next to his empty glass, and took his hand. He helped her slide down off the stool, and she looked down to smooth her skirt. When she looked up, she noticed how close they were and her breath caught in her throat. She was thankful she had worn flats instead of her usual heels, because in this moment, she realized she liked that he was taller than her. He seemed to notice the closeness too, and he swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing as he did so. Their eyes locked for a few moments before he shook his head and pulled her towards the dance floor. For the next few hours, he made her laugh, and she made him smirk, and they danced until they physically couldn't move, and she knew her rapid heartbeat wasn't just because of the dancing or the alcohol. She was grateful for him, like he was grateful for her, because, even if for a few hours, they could help each other lessen the burden on each of their shoulders.

They were friends. Best friends. And she was okay with that, happy with that. Did she want more? Did she wish for more? Of course, but she wasn't going to allow herself to hope for it. She couldn't. Even though his grins and lingering touches made that extra difficult, virtually impossible. But still, she wouldn't let hope seep into her chest. It was no secret her relationships were always disastrous, and she didn't want to risk him, what they had. He was too important. To them. To her. So she kept telling herself that him getting her coffee and his lingering gazes meant nothing. And while she was telling herself that, he was telling himself the same things. So they kept pretending, and they kept helping each other balance the weight of the world.


	2. Normalcy

**A/N: I'm very proud of this one. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Summary:** **There's a lot of things that are wrong with Cisco these days. Of course, he never once considers telling the team. Except her.**

* * *

There was a lot of things Cisco would never tell the team, under any circumstances. Maybe it was because they had bigger problems, enough drama to fill up at least three seasons of a reality show. _Jersey Shore's got nothing on us_. He scoffed a laugh away and put down the broom he was holding, his eyes scanning his clean, almost to clean apartment. "Great job me, now it smells like a hospital." A flash of memory appeared at the last word and his throat suddenly felt dry. He practically ran to the sink, pulling down a glass from the cupboard and filling it with tap water. After drinking enough, or at least enough that his throat no longer felt like a desert. He poured the rest out and set it down in the sink, and walked towards the blanket covered couch. Then, halfway there, he turned back with such speed that Barry would've been jealous, walked back to the sink, cleaned the glass, and put it back into cupboard. He sighed and leaned back against the counter, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Yea, there were a lot of things he'd never tell the team about. His borderline obsession with cleanliness had started a couple months ago after a particularly bad day. It had started out with small things, remaking his bed, vacuuming more than he probably should, et cetera. And now, now it was bigger things. Like, his entire apartment big. He knew why he did it, he wasn't going to pretend he had no clue. It was because, deep down, he knew that he couldn't control other people or situation. Like Dante. He couldn't control the world, or the unexpected. But he would be damned if he couldn't control his own home.

* * *

Cisco Ramon was a social creature. And, as he calls it, and extrovert to the max. He hates being alone now more than he used too. Its an easy fix, he knows. He could easily pick up his phone and call someone, but each time he tries, he can't seem to press the name of anybody in his contacts list. He's partially glad because he knows if someone did come over, they'd ask how he was holding up, and he didn't think he would be able to answer. So he sits on his couch and watches reruns of Chopped. When there's a knock on the door he knows who it is immediately because there's only one person who knocks like that. He never understands how Caitlin knows, but she always does. This time she brings Chinese food and terrible movies, and she doesn't ask how he's holding up because if anyone understands what he's going through, it's her. He never has to call her because she always knows when he needs company the most. She'll never know how grateful he is.

* * *

He gets nightmares a lot. Not terrible ones, like the kind that would make him wake up screaming. No, the kind he got were worse, because they were the kind that would leave him up for hours, filled with unanswered questions and what ifs. He'd much rather be chased by a demon through the woods then see his brother walk away from him over and over.

* * *

Sometimes, he sees his brother in his computer screen, and while he knows it's not real, that it's a product of his grief fueled imagination, the fact that it feels real scares the holy hell out of him. Once, only a few days after his brothers funeral, he saw his face in his rear view mirror. He'd never told anyone, especially because it almost caused a car accident. But it was mainly because he knew if he did, they'd tell him it wasn't real, that Dante is dead and he's never coming back, although he's sure they'd say it a lot kinder than that. Because Cisco knows its not real. He knows his brother his dead and isn't coming back. He just doesn't want other people to say it.

* * *

After Dante died, it was impossible for him to even think about Harry Potter. It was the one thing they had never argued about, not really. When Barry suggested a movie night, and everyone excluding Caitlin voted on Harry Potter, he ran out as fast as he could, coming up with excuses at a million miles an hour. The only one who didn't question it was Caitlin, because she was the only one who knew. He and Dante never bonded over anything until they found out about Harry Potter and everything that came with the fandom. But now, he couldn't read the books, or watch the movies without feeling as if there was a cinderblock sitting on his chest. After all, Harry Potter was the boy who lived, and Dante was the man who didn't.

* * *

When he realizes that his couch has a stain on it he wants to burn it because he remembers exactly how it got there. He had picked up Dante from a bar after he'd had to many drinks and brought him back to his apartment where they proceeded to watch the Bachelor because for some reason drunk Dante was very into that show. He can't remember what he said to his brother but it was something that made him laugh harder than Cisco had ever seen and caused him to spill his soda onto the couch. And then Cisco was laughing right along with him until they couldn't breathe properly. He wants to burn the couch, wants to open up a portal and throw it into a black hole, but he can't. He can't, because as dumb as it is, that stain is like a small piece of brother.

* * *

Growing up, Cisco was taught the love and fear of God. No one in his family ever questioned his existence but now that's all he can do, because Dante was too young and it wasn't fair and he can't wrap his around why he had to be taken so damn soon. Maybe, he considers, God isn't cruel, he's just indifferent. But he's also seen his mama beg for her baby back and if that isn't cruelty, he doesn't know what is. He hasn't gone to church in weeks and he doesn't think he ever will again. Not just because he doesn't know if he believes anymore, but because he knows everyone at their church and they know his family. He can't handle any more apologies and best wishes. Or pity. He especially can't handle pity. He wonders if God pities him. Probably not.

* * *

Driving has begun to scare him. He has a hard time not hearing the sound of screeching tires and breaking glass whenever he stops at a stop light. Caitlin doesn't ask why when they carpool for a month. Maybe because she's respectful enough not to or maybe because she knows. He's almost positive it's the latter. The worst reaction he'd ever had was when he was driving at night and the same type of car that killed his brother had zoomed past him and he had an anxiety attack. He'll probably always have that fear, but he can learn to live with it. He doesn't really have much of a choice.

* * *

He can't listen to certain songs anymore because Dante had loved music and while they weren't as close as Cisco would have liked them to be, he still knew his favorite songs and bands. So, whenever Bon Jovi comes on the radio while he's driving he has to remember how to breathe and changes the station. Sometimes, he can hear Dante singing.

* * *

There used to be a lot Cisco would never tell anyone. But now, pacing the lab, clutching the broken necklace that was supposed to keep her safe, he made a silent vow, that if she came back, if he got her back, he would tell her everything.

"You have to come back, Cait." Her name echoed in the large room, and for a split second, his voice morphed into hers and she whispered his name.

That was just another thing he'd have to tell her.

* * *

Sometimes, driving home, he thought about what it'd be like to be normal. No particle accelerator explosion, no powers, no flash. Just normalcy. But, he supposes, all things considered, normalcy was something he was never meant for. None of them were. And besides, normal is boring. Well, at least, he _assumes_ normal is boring.

Getting home, he checks his mail and what he finds almost makes his heart stop. _Almost_. His stack of letters and bills, because hey, even superheroes pay bills, is being weighed down by a candy bar, Twix, specifically. Her favorite. It's cold, and still slightly frosted, meaning it hasn't been there for more than a few minutes. The burst of hope he feels in chest is so quick and pulsing that he feels faint. Carefully, because for all he knows he's been knocked unconscious and this is all a dream, he takes it. He wants to frame it. Because this is a sign that though she's buried deep, Caitlin Snow is still there. With a grin he opens his apartment door, and chooses to ignore the fact this his sink is filled with dirty dishes and the his place is a bit dustier than it had been this morning. He kicks the door shut and walks to his bedroom, flinging his shoes off on the way. He tosses the candy bar onto his bed and he wants to laugh. So he does.

Yea, fuck normalcy.


	3. Stupid Ideas

**A/N: This was just a small drabble that popped into my head, I hope you enjoy.**

 **Summary:** **This is a stupid idea. This is a really stupid idea. But, he supposes, he's had a lot of stupid ideas, and at least if this is a mistake, no one will get hurt.**

* * *

This is a stupid idea. No, scratch that, this is a _really fucking_ stupid idea. But, he supposes, he's done a lot of stupid things and at least if this is a mistake no one will get hurt. He hopes anyway. He's crazy, he knows that. Boy does he know that. This is what crazy people do. This is what people who are having mental breakdowns do. This is also what lonely people do. And God was he lonely. But he's here and why the hell turn back.

So, he summons his courage and walks through the doors. There's a woman at the front desk. She's pretty, she has evident frown lines, but she's pretty and she's smiling and so he walks over and her smile widens the tiniest bit more.

"Hi there! How can I help you?" Her happiness almost sounds robotic. A thing he's used to. A thing he knows people around him are used to. He reads her name tag. Leia. He almost scoffs, doesn't, thankfully.

He clears his throat. "Yea uh..I'm looking to adopt." Was that the word? He thinks it is.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Her smile grows bigger. "It's always so nice when people decide to adopt, so many unwanted animals. Were you looking for a dog or a cat?"

He drums his fingers against the desk nervously, a habit he's always had. "Cat. Definitely cat." A cat is something he can leave alone for hours. Which is what he'll do because obviously working at Star Labs isn't _a come in when you feel like it_ kind of job.

"Alright, no problem! Come with me and I'll show you some of the ones that are currently up for adoption." She gets up from her chairs and walks down the hallway behind the desk. He follows. He's always been a follower.

* * *

This is a stupid idea. Because now he's looking at cats in cages. Stuck there, in one confined little space, and he's think a stupid though _just like a coffin_ and now he can't breathe and the world is spinning. So he turns around and he walks, practically runs out of the door of where the cats are held and towards the exist. He hears the woman's voice calling behind him, asking if he's a alright.

"Yea." _No_. _May the mother fucking force be with you._

He's crying by the time he reaches his car. Can barely get his key in the ignition, takes him four tries. This was a really stupid idea. Ten minutes away from his house he has to pull over because for some reason he can't explain, he has to scream. And he does. It doesn't help.

* * *

He slams the door when he gets into his apartment. The first and only thing he does is fall onto his bed. He doesn't even bother changing.

In the morning, he gets up and showers. After he eats half of bowl of cereal with almost expired milk because there's a lot more on his mind then buying a new carton. Well, it's on his mind, but it's in the very back of it. Along with doing his laundry and the dishes.

If anybody at the lab notices he's wearing the same clothes he was yesterday, they don't say anything. He thinks maybe he sees Caitlin stare at him, like she knows, but she doesn't say anything. He doesn't know if it's ok that he's happy with that. But what he does know, is that it's ok that he's happy she noticed. But he's not surprised. Caitlin always notices.

* * *

He goes back to his apartment at almost three AM and though he's exhausted, he knows he won't be able to sleep. But he tries to anyway.

When he hears it, he wants to kick something. He wants to kick something because God dammit he doesn't believe in signs or fate but _fucking hell._ He opens his bedroom window and sure enough, standing on his fire escape is possibly the tiniest kitten he's ever seen and being him he's not going to let it freeze to death or starve so he takes it inside and feeds it some leftover turkey. After, he allows it to curl up on his couch and he tries to sleep again. He really wants to kick something.

* * *

It only takes one thing the next day that makes him decide to keep the tiny ginger ball of fluff. When Cisco sits on the couch, the cat sits next to him and purrs. And Cisco wants to cry, wants to sob and breakdown because the sound makes him happy and relaxes him ever so slightly and he hasn't been either of those things in in so, so long.

* * *

He takes it to the vet and they tell him he's about three months old and that he's a boy. And that though he's malnourished and dehydrated, he's healthy. After, he takes him to a pet supply store and buys everything he needs.

When he gets home he once again sits on the couch and the cat joins him again. Cisco stares at him, realizing he'll probably have to name him because _obviously_. Instead of wanting to kick something else, he wants to kick himself for even considering the name Dante.

He does however, want to honor his brother somehow, someway, so he names him Sirius. And that night, while Sirius sleeps next to him curled into a ball, he's the tiniest bit relieved. Because maybe he wasn't able to save Dante's life, but he saved this kitten's, and that has to count for something. Yea, it counts for something. He closes his eyes, and this time, he actually sleeps.

This was a wonderfully stupid idea.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading.**


	4. Green Jello

**A/N: Takes place before the mid season finale.**

 **Summary: Sometimes, all you can do is try.**

* * *

Caitlin groaned in both relief and pain as she cracked her back, the knotted muscles loosening ever so slightly. While she was used to fighting, doing battle with the Nazi's from earth x had taken a lot out of her. She stretched once before looking over at Cisco. They were the only ones at the lab, everyone else had decided to head home after Stein's funeral. She cringed inwardly, that wound was very still much open. While they had dealt with multiple deaths, Martin's had hit her especially hard. While they weren't extremely close, she did see him as family, and losing him felt like losing a piece of Ronnie. Her mind couldn't help but drift to thoughts of Martin's wife, who, like her, was now a widow.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by Cisco saying her name. By the way he was looking at her she could guess it probably wasn't the first time he had called her name. She blinked and shook her head. "Sorry. What did you say?"

He smiled softly at her, his eyes gleaming with understanding. "I was asking if you wanted to have a movie night."

She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Movie night?"

He grinned at her. "You know, that thing where people get together and watch movies, usually with snacks?"

She rolled her eyes slightly and gave him a look. His grin turned into an almost sad smile as he shrugged and put his hands between his knees. "I was just thinking that, you know, we used do it all the time, weekly, and we haven't had a chance to in a while and I'm thinking that we both could use it, especially after all the.." He trailed off, not quite sure how to describe the recent events.

She smiled weakly at him. "Stuff?" She finished for him. Might as well keep it simple.

He smirked at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yea, stuff."

She gives him a very minuscule smile before nodding and standing up. "That sounds really nice."

He takes her bag for her despite her slight protest and they walk down to the parking lot. "I'll meet you at your apartment, okay?"

She starts walking towards her car but the way she's walking he can tell she's exhausted so he reaches out and gently grabs her elbow. "Cait, I know us metas have some advanced biology but I'm pretty sure if you get into that car you're going to end up crashing into a pole."

She turns back towards him and gives him a look of slight annoyance. "Cisco, I can't just leave my car here, I need to get to work tomorrow, remember?"

He shrugs at her. "Crash at my place for the night, you've done it before. We'll carpool in the morning."

For a minute she looks as if she's going to protest, but instead she just sighs and starts walking towards his car instead.

He almost smirks in victory. Almost.

* * *

When they get to his apartment he puts on _the Notebook_ because even though, in his opinion, it's one of the cheesiest movies in the world, he knows it's her favorite.

About forty five minutes into the movie he notices their bowl of popcorn is empty and he carefully moves her legs off his lap where they've been resting since they sat down. She takes her eyes off the screen to look at him. "What's wrong?" He shakes his head and shows her the empty bowl. "You refilled last time, it's my turn." She stands up and he wants to laugh because she's changed into his clothes - a pair of Batman boxers and his star labs sweatshirt - and she's practically swimming in them, the sweatshirt reaching her knees. She takes the bowl into the kitchen and puts a new bag in the microwave, it beeping when she sets the time. He almost pauses the movie but sees no point because she's seen it at least a dozen times. "Hey, do you have ginger ale?" She questions

He keeps his eyes on the television but nods. "Duh. Just because you went all Elsa on us for a while doesn't mean I forgot to keep your favorite drink in stock." He hears the sound of his fridge opening and it takes him longer than he'd like to admit to realize there's a burning smell coming from his kitchen and Caitlin hasn't returned to the couch. He turns himself around when he says her name but doesn't get a response. When he sees she's standing in front of his open fridge, just staring, and there's smoke coming from his microwave he jumps over the couch and runs towards the kitchen, opening the microwave and grabbing a small towel to fan the smoke. "What the Hell, Caitlin? Are you trying to burn down my apartment?"

She still doesn't respond and she's still staring into the fridge and when he sees why it's like he's been punched in the gut and the wind has been knocked out of him. She's staring at the green jello in his fridge. Because, he had, of course eaten all the red. "Shit. Fuck, okay, Cait I totally-"

She interrupts him. "I died." Her voice isn't shaking but it's practically a whisper and suddenly his throat is dry.

He takes in a shaky breath. "Yeah." He swallows the lump in his throat. "Yeah, you did." He reaches for her shoulder but she moves away from him, backing up to the counter.

"I died. I was dead, Cisco. And oh my god, I did so many horrible things." She's trembling and he hates himself because he doesn't know what to say, especially because he can't disagree with what she's saying. "I hurt people." She looks at him now and her eyes are watering. "I don't think it's ever really fully hit me that I did all those horrendous things. I teamed up with someone who was going to kill one of my closest friends. Who did kill one of my closest friends." She's crying now and she sinks to the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Caitlin crying is an image he hates. Not because of the obvious, that she's sad, but because even when she's crying he still thinks she's beautiful and that's wrong on a bunch of different levels because he has a girlfriend and he shouldn't be thinking about the way Caitlin wearing his clothes makes him feel. "Hey. Hey, hey." He sits down next to her and takes her hand. "I'm not going to tell you it's okay because it's not but Cait, that wasn't you."

He has the urge to wipe her tears away with his thumb but he resists. "But it was a part of me, Cisco. Killer Frost is always going to be a part of me and there's some days where I don't know if I can live with that."

That last statement has him even more worried then he had been before and his chest feels tight. "Caitlin, listen to me, please. Yes, she's a _part_ of you, but Caitlin, she's _not you_. Everyone, and yes, even Barry, has that piece inside of them that makes them want to act on horrible thoughts, you just happened to pull the short straw and yours physically manifested into Killer Frost. You weren't in control when you did those things, you were just a backseat driver and trust me, I know what guilt feels like, but at some point you have to learn to forgive yourself."

She's sobbing now and he pulls her closer, tucking her shoulder under his arm. "It's easier to forgive others, I know, but you have to forgive yourself too."

She hiccups and exhales an unsteady breath. "It feels impossible, Cisco. What if I can't?"

He strokes her hair and she leans against him. "You have to try, Cait. You have to at least try."

* * *

Twenty minutes later they're back on his couch. He's sitting up and she's leaning her head on his shoulder. He smiles slightly when he sees her mouth along with the bird line.

When she thinks he's not looking, and ignoring the butterflies it gives her, Caitlin stares up at him. Out of all the things she did as Killer Frost, there's one moment that haunts her more than any of the others.

 _I never loved any of you._

"Cisco?"

"Hmm?" He's stroking her arm in such a gentle way and it makes her feel so warm and she wants to relish in it because she's always so, so cold.

"I love you."

He looks at her then, his chocolate colored eyes shining into hers and he gives her a genuine Cisco smile. He kisses her on the forehead and pulls her tighter to his side. "I love you too."

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to drop a review**


	5. Catastrophe

**A/N: This one is going to be on the short side, one of my rats whom I love dearly is very sick, and it doesn't look like he's going to make it, but we aren't giving up just yet. I'm sure some people reading this are questioning why I'm writing when I shouldn't be in the state of mind where I can. The simple answer is that it's exactly four am and I cannot sleep, and writing always calms my mind. This one shot is for all the pet owners out there, hug your fur baby, let them know they're loved. And as always, I hope you enjoy.**

 **Summary: Cisco has a problem. This isn't something that can be solved with superpowers or maybe even some bargaining. No, this time he's screwed.**

* * *

Caitlin sighs for what feels like the hundredth time that day and looks up at Cisco from her position on the ground. "This isn't working."

He holds in a groan of annoyance. "You just have to keep trying, it'll work eventually."

"No, it won't." Her tone is slightly icy and she stands up, leaning against his kitchen counter. When he moves to make her sit down again, she gives him a glare. There's no true bite behind it, but a Caitlin Snow glare is still a Caitlin Snow glare so he puts his hands up in surrender. He looks slightly defeated and her glare vanishes immediately and is instead replaced with an apologetic smile. "Why don't we try again at the lab tomorrow?"

He considers it a moment before nodding. "Okay, alright. I'll see you tomorrow." He kisses her forehead, a friendly gesture, nothing more. That's what he tells himself, at least. She gives him a smile and a nod before exiting his apartment and closing the door gently behind her. When she's gone, he glares down at the floor. "You, sir, are grounded."

The orange kitten, Sirius, merely yawns in response. He looks around, making absolutely sure Caitlin is gone before coming out from under the table. He saunters over to the couch and jumps up, making himself comfortable. Cisco follows him and pouts at him. "Come on dude, you have to like her. You like Barry, you like Iris, you like literally everyone. You even like the stupid roach you found yesterday under the fridge! You're like, probably the only cat who doesn't hunt." Sirius simply stares up at him in response. Cisco wants to say something else but he realizes two things before he does. One, he's arguing with an animal like it's going to talk back, and two, it's an argument he's definitely not going to win. "She's my best friend, buddy, can't you at least try?"

He sits next to Sirius and turns on the television, changing the channel to where he knows they're having a Star Wars marathon and the kitten instantly climbs into his lap and curls into a ball. Cisco looks down at him and starts to pet him. "You're still totally grounded."

* * *

Iris is already cooing at the kitten when Caitlin walks in. "Aren't you just the most handsome thing?" Ignoring Barry's muffled "hey!" From where he's sitting cross legged on the floor, mouth full of goldfish crackers. Iris winks at him before turning her attention back to the orange kitten that's purring and rubbing against her. "So sweet."

Caitlin smiles briefly before walking around them to get to the small medical area, double checking all her supplies, a task she does every morning. She hears someone clear their throat and she doesn't need to turn around to know who it is. "Yes, Cisco?"

"Why are you not playing with Sirius right now? Iris and Barry are! And you promised to at least try today."

She hums in response, still going over her item checklist. "Harry isn't playing with him."

She hears him snort. "That's because Harry's like, allergic to fun." He moves closer and puts his hand on her shoulder. "Please?"

She hates when he does that. He has a specific voice he uses that only ever works on her and it has yet to fail. She finally turns to face him and his puppy dog eyes. "Alright."

He follows her as she walks to where Sirius is laying on top of his desk, enjoying a head rub from Ralph. "We should make him the official Team Flash mascot." He states. Barry nods his head, still munching on the goldfish. "We could even give him a uniform!"

Cisco glares at him. "Nuh-uh, not happening. He can be the mascot but I'm not making him wear a ridiculous outfit, that's mean."

Ralph gapes at him. "I seem to remember the first suit you made me, that was hideous and ridiculous."

Cisco merely shrugs. "That's different."

"How?"

He grins at him. "I like Sirius."

Barry laughs so hard at that that he snorts and Harry lets a barely audible chuckle.

Cisco gives Caitlin an expectant look so she lifts her hand out towards Sirius. The kitten immediately slinks back from her hand and hisses. Afraid of getting bit, she pulls her hand back quickly, gives Cisco a look that says multiple things, and almost scurries back to the medical room. He stares at her back sadly before turning back to the rest of the team. "Maybe it's her perfume?" Cisco tosses a pen at Ralph's head for the comment.

* * *

Later that night, before he goes home, he gently puts Sirius in his cage and walks to Caitlin's desk, leaning against the edge. "Okay, maybe we can-"

"It's the cold, Cisco." She interrupts him before he can toss another idea at her. "He doesn't like me because of the cold. Animals are extremely intelligent and he can sense Frost, he doesn't like her, and by extension he doesn't like me." She sounds almost sad when she says that. Before he can argue with her, she's standing up from her chair and grabbing her purse. "I'm sorry, but it just isn't going to work. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, she's gone.

* * *

Before Cisco can even register what's happening, Killer Frost is pushing him on to the concrete and the next thing he knows she's on the ground next to him, as Caitlin. And her ears are bleeding and there's a large amount of blood coming from her shoulder. It doesn't take long for him to realize that Killer Frost just took a sound blast from DeVoe, using Izzy's powers, for him. It takes him even less time to realize she also took a bullet for him. The moment all those things come together in his mind, he checks to see that Barry and Ralph are handling things before opening a portal back to Star Labs. Harry is by his side immediately and taking Caitlin from his arms. Thankfully due to her advanced biology due to being a meta, the bullet wound is practically healed by the time they get her in a bed.

Harry says that while she'll be unconscious for a few hours, a day at the most, she'll be fine and Cisco feels like he can breathe again. Deciding he doesn't want her staying overnight at Star Labs by herself he takes her to his apartment via portal and tries to make her as comfortable as possible on his couch. When he thinks he's succeeded he gives her one final glance before going to take a shower.

When he comes back, he's shocked to find that only is she awake, but that Sirius is sitting in her lap and purring as she scratches behind his ears. She gives him a smile when she notices him watching and he beams at her. "I guess he came around." She states.

Carefully, he moves her legs off the couch to sit down, then places them onto his lap. "And all it took was you saving my life." She lets out a gentle laugh at that and continues petting the kitten.

A few hours later after a marathon of Face Off reruns Caitlin has fallen asleep, Sirius curled up next to her shoulder, kneading her shirt gently and Cisco can't resist taking a picture of them.

He's definitely getting this one framed.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed.**


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